Saturday, March 10, 2007

the unbearable heaviness of hair

Last month my friends and I were hammered by 3pm and not in the bad way it was drunk in the bond till our faces fall off way and in the way that sordid sex secrets were made public to everyone in the room. By 7pm at one of their apartments I was so drunk I wanted to shave all my hair off. So I saw a razor on a table and announced "TODAY I'M CUTTING MY HAIR". So my friend ran to get scissors and a better razor and he chopped off my ponytail for me. Then I chopped away and gave myself a really cute bob cut. Layered and everything.

The last time I cut my hair off it was following a summer where some asshole broke my heart. Not even truly broke my heart because I was lacking in the soul department that year, but he did hurt me. When I mentioned to him that I wanted short hair again he protested saying all sorts of stupid things. So I kept it long for him. But when he was gone, so was the hair.

I grew my hair out recently for me. Also because of someone in my life. It wasn't forced upon me but part of the reason, however small, I did keep it long for him. After the break-up, I chopped it off. Nearly shaved it to boot.

Now, Britney just shaved her head. She did it after my impulse, and well, to be honest, I completely understand.

But I also understand that it didn't make her feel better. You feel light for about 2 days. Then you just start noticing that there is weight everywhere and the hair was just the easiest thing to get rid of.

You can cut your hair and buy new clothes. You can even clean everything you own to avoid a memory surfacing when it is least expected. You can pack things that remind you of someone away in a box. But you cannot feel lighter.

You can, however, feel a nasty draft at the back of your neck when the wind howls.

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