dreaming

since living on my own my prophetic and mesmerizing dreams have returned
i remember colours and smells and feelings
i wake feeling better

but my waking dreams
the ones that used to drive me and ground me and give me hope for the future
are all gone
they dropped off

i have more drive for my work
more pride in my day
living moment by moment is far more interesting than i thought

but the future - elusive shadow it is - got more cyptic
it is completely unknown
and not because my life just changed drastically
it's because my waking dreams of a happy ride off into the sunset no longer keep me company

and i don't know if i want them back

i just don't know if its right to connect to reality through the hopes and dreams we have
and isn't this at the heart of every metaphysical debate?
is it my concrete existence that makes me real or is it my ability to dream that forms my reality?

why do i miss those hoop dreams so much?
life was simpler and less elusive with a certain stability
the future was spoke of in the past tense
the present was a means to get to there

now even my verb tenses need reevaluation