"You don't write anymore, you should write."

"It used to be a true expression of yourself, now it's just vainglorious. Like you are trying to convince yourself of something."

Perhaps.

But maybe it is hard to write when you have your left hand holding a glass of wine and your right hand holding the keys to get out of your apartment... and your mouth is holding a cigarette, all to perhaps,

forget the fact that you don't write anymore.

And I mean write in the cynical way. The way that you make fun of trannies like they are lost and found women who forgot their penises.

(because any self respecting woman has a bigger dick than most of the men we all meet)

But perhaps it is hard to write when my skin is burnt to a crisp. And the reason for the burn is due to my desire to run around like a fool until I forget where I came from.

Where I came from is peeing in the bathroom.

While I attempt to smoke.

Smoke and type.

As he encourages me on.

Dating Rules

A while back a friend of mine and I made up a little list of Dating Rules. Apparently, once printed and framed, they would become holier than the testament and we would have no choice but to obey the rules. And if obeyed, we truly believed that the rules would spare us from all future dating horror stories and we would never be heartbroken. Ever ever again.

We both broke a few rules, but the one cardinal rule that we both swore on, was to never date a guitar player or DJ.

They are bad news. Guitar players think that they are humble gods while DJ's think that they are gods that have the power to smite you all.

Guitar players play you emo songs in their bedroom, thinking girls like emotions on display and that tears from their moving handwritten poems lead directly to sex.

DJ's play you their new track in their bedroom, thinking that their inherent coolness will remove all your articles of clothing immediately.

Guitar players will try to have emotional sex, full of handholding and tender kisses.

DJ's will try to have sex. Any sex. Because their cock is so naturally large that even being in its presence will send a girl into ecstasy.

Guitar players will have awkward moments and toss their emo hair in pseudo bashfullness.

DJ's will have awkward moments and not even notice how foolish they really are.

Now that I know not to get near these types... again... I am going to remount that list of mine. Frame and all. And I will remember to obey the cardinal rule. Never ever date guitar players or DJ's.

Quote du moment.

an affair so ongoing it almost constitutes a relationship.
a relationship so brief it actually becomes an affair.

can you believe...

i went to work on the terrace
only to find it freezing cold

i went to sit at the bar to eat my free meal
only to find a drink in front of me

i went out back to smoke
only to find more drinks waiting

i went to another bar
only to find a plan

a plan to go to new york city for a day
to drink and party and have a blast

but planes are awful expensive
when you don't have much of a plan

so i ended up in quebec city
loaded after drinking warm heinekens on the bus

and woke up to room service
at the chateau frontenac

wondering how i went to work
got drunk
and ended up in another city
staying in one of the best rooms in the hotel

life is good
when you decide it's for the taking

but from now on
i think i should get on the proverbial wagon

so that next time
i don't end up hungover as usual
in another city.... unusual....

here we go...

I'm nervous.

Don't be.

I'm scared. Actually, I'm terrified.

You are? Oh no.
Now I'm terrified too.

Smoke?

Yes.
I'm really guarded. You should know that.

Oh thank god. I mean not thank god. But when I said I'm terrified, I actually meant to say that I'm guarded. Other words came out instead. I have a wall. I keep seeing opportunities to let it down and then boom it comes right back up.

I guess we are involved.

Yeah, I guess so.

I hate relationships.

Me too.

My relationships always fail.

Aren't they supposed to fail? Wow, that's depressing.

But true.

Well, they should. At least now. Until you are old, I guess.

I feel old.

I'm twelve. And fifty.

Me too.

Do you have a condom?

No.

Dammit.

---

Then he played me a song. About love. It wasn't sex, but it will do.

If someone were watching my life, they would probably throw up all over the goofy awkward moments and then decide that it is flowers and sunshine and all the other things that make you cringe.

Fear is making me keep my life preserver tightly strapped to my body. And at this point, what I am most afraid of is the moment where we have to take off the safety measures and actually plunge into deep dark scary waters.

Until then, I will just keep on being terrified and guarded. And completely safe.