Wednesday, March 21, 2007

how to survive in today's world

watch inconvenient truth and stop global warming
read easy way to stop smoking and quit the habit
learn about veganism and save the animals (and your body)
buy a membership to the YMCA and live till you are 90
write a play and change the face of canadian theatre
shop at local stores and bring down the big corporations

think about the whole world and become selfless.


fall asleep in gore's movie and feel even worse about the world because you couldn't even stay awake while thinking about the world's biggest crisis and to hell with it all because you are tired because of your own biggest crisis to date and if we get sucked into an ice age that's fine because clearly we all suck at taking care and maybe humans just need to be wiped out and let the next species attempt to not fuck it up so bad

buy a new pack of smokes and hide that goddamn book because if you start reading it somehow you end up smoking more anyways and then you have to go back to the dep and indirectly announce that you have bought your one way ticket to the happy land of emphysema

eat a steak and don't think about the animal because you are hungry dammit and there must be a reason we are higher than they are on the food chain but cling to the fact that at least you don't eat higher up on the chain because that's wrong so conclude that as long as you eat chickens trout and cow its okay as long as you don't touch shark

let exercise tapes collect dust and then cab to the bar and announce that alcohol will preserve your body till old age better than exercise and cite keith richards mick jagger and david bowie as evidence that it must be true

decide you can't write and read about other people's pseudo-brilliance and get mad about shitty art that keeps getting grants and decide that you are a grassroots performer but only because grassroots is a better word than apathetic po-mo artiste

go to walmart because you can't afford locally produced anything and decide you like your toilet paper cheap and unrecycled and you like your strawberries full of hormones from california

think about the whole world and hope to god someone else will be selfless for you.

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