Saturday, July 30, 2005

okay what do i have to say

i meet a whole lot of people in one night
do they really mean anything to me?
tonight i lead some guy on,
and he buys me drinks,
and spends 300$ on his friends
and tips me 100$,
and then asks me out for dinner...
i say no.
he was insignificant to me.

the table that was significant was a couple...
or rather,
a first date couple.

bless those fools who think that their first DATE will work out well.

it's why i don't date and i choose to "see".

there is a difference.

anyways.

this couple was hilarious.

an unwed, ex-club-ho/faux-intellect paired with an arrogant self-absorbed know-it-all.

i laughed at all his corny jokes and tried to make it seem like her man-du-soir was the wittiest person to walk the face of the earth. after all, it was he who would no likely pick up the bill. and if his lady likes him, he will like his lady and also like his lady-waitress.

in my 20 (almost 21... gasp) years of experience, if there is one thing i have learned, it is that men will think they are gods to women if there is at least one girl who likes them.

it's a fact.

how do these become facts anyways?

fuck it. it's my goddamn fact.

i adore my job. absolutely love it. i may be the only anglophone, i may be the youngest, but dammit, everyone loves me. and i return the love three times over.

the END.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Tonight I served Jully Black. She's super cool. She doesn't give a flying fuck about anything. I like that. I even went up to her as she was leaving to tell her that I love her music and I'm happy that a good artist like her is succeeding. She actually seemed super genuine. Two celebrities (because maybe the 4 members of Good Charlotte, combined, might make one real celebrity) in two nights... Montreal is NOT like Ottawa in any way, shape or form.

But that is so wildly unimportant. I found another song that seems to be written for me.

Twenty years for nothing, well that's nothing new,
besides, No one's interested in something you didn't do [...]
"you can't be fond of living in the past,
cause if you are then there's no way that you're gonna last".

-Tragically Hip, " Wheat Kings"

I'm done feeling rather unaccomplished, inadequate and less than great. I am everything I need to be right now and it's pointless to live in the past and wish that I had done more, therefore learned alot more.

Oh, and Happy New Year.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

All in a night's work

Walking to work at 4pm, I passed MusiquePlus and the throngs of kiddie-pseudo-punks that were gathered out front. I didn't even bother to check the marquee to see what crappy band would be arriving because any band that attracts kiddie-pseudo-punk, is not worth my time.

I soon forgot about the throngs of children wearing ripped black jeans because I was the only server working tonight and it was packed. I didn't have time to pee for 7 hours. After my boss (my only source of help) left, a group of "punks" walked in.

Great. It's the stupid kids from outside MusiquePlus. I delayed taking their orders because I have better things to do than answer dumb questions like "What kind of regular beer do you have?".

When I finally went over to the table to take their orders, I realized that I wrote off the wrong customers. The people sitting at that table were the members of Good Charlotte, their groupies and the hot VJ from MusiquePlus.

Ooooooooooops.

It took ALL of my willpower to not ask the lead singer to just fucking QUIT ALREADY and to not ask the other members of the band to STOP MAKING BAD MUSIC. And just when I thought every ounce of my will was used up, I had to find even more to suppress the desire to rip the lead singer off of the VJ.

IF I WAS A VJ I WOULD NOT BE FLIRTING WITH GOOD CHARLOTTE MEMBERS!!! ESPECIALLY NOT THE FAT ONE!!!!!

She's hot, she meets hot people on a regular basis... WHY DOES SHE LACK STANDARDS?

As for Good Charlotte, they are very nice people. I treated them like any other person in the world. I forgot one of their Diet Cokes (because I refuse to treat non-alcoholic beverages with the same priority as alcholic ones), I made lame jokes about my non-Montreal accent and I blamed all my errors on the kitchen. Proving that they were just another table, I still made an excellent tip. More than excellent in fact... 60$ on 100$. Not bad for people who make more money than they know what to do with.

I think it's hilarious that I of all people served Good Charlotte. I hate them. So does the cook. I think he spat in their food.

LIFESTYYYYYYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS....

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Nostalgia

A few nights ago I shared my writing with a good friend of mine, and looking back on the piles upon piles of papers covered with pen blots and scratched out words, I realized that I have forgetten the joy of putting pen to paper. I have scads of writing from the last 9 years of my life and absolutely nothing from the last year, which has proved to be more like a lifetime rather than mere months.

I used to write everywhere I went. I got in the habit a long time ago of carrying a pen with me wherever I roam and I still do but now my pen's only use is to write down phone numbers I will never call. At work when I was hostessing, I would sit at the front of the restaurant and write about the people walking through the door. I wrote haikus about the regulars. I posed countless questions to myself that were answered only through the act of writing them down. I wrote political theories and rants while sitting on the bus. I wrote about my life while sitting in a tree. I wrote about the people in my life in the bath. I wrote while reading books. I jotted down quotes, one-liners, parts of overheard conversations and I made sure to document those beautiful fleeting ideas that come only from a truly cleared mind.

I was doing character analysis of myself and nearly everyone I met before I even knew what character analysis was. I was so observant and wonderous before I could even recognize those qualities in myself. Now, I feel stagnant. I still watch, I still think, I still compose and analyse and question... and I think it is impossible for me to stop. But the difference is, is that I am keeping it all in my head.

I try to write here, but everything ends up staying in the vault of "drafts" and the crap that makes it out onto the web only shows the drunken/hungover/sex-crazed part of me. I'm not denying that part of myself but I have been denying proper expression of my observant side.

Blogs are a great medium for expression because of the freedom and the guarantee that someone out there will be interested in whatever obscurities you have to offer. But this is not doing it for me at all. So I'm going to get off this computer and unpack my paper and pens and start writing the way I want to. I have alot to say and I want to share that with whatever audience I may have... but I think that it must start out on paper before it ever lands here.

Two of the blogs that I read most are WaiterRant and Gasguy, for their wonderful observations. I used to write in a similar fashion. I want that back.

Today, I begin my work week and before I go, I am going to purchase a book to write in and a sexy pen to write with. And it is going to be everything that it needs to be to me.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Only me....

I have a special relationship with my roommate. Now that we aren't sleeping with each other anymore, we are finding other ahem avenues to explore. She has been offered alot of money to write gothic/erotica stories that will be acted out at an S&M Show/Industrial Night at an afterhours club. The only way she will get the money, is if she also finds the girls that will play out this sex piece.

I'm sure you all can see where this is going.

But what makes this whole experience even sweeter is the fact that the other girl she has in mind is her incredibly hot friend who I last saw first thing in the morning standing in my living room in her underwear. I had just gotten out of bed after morning sex with a boy I'm seeing, and stumbled into my kitchen to find this girl, half-nude, casually saying "good morning" to me.

Not knowning what to do, I just turned around and made coffee and hoped that a jolt of caffeine will give me the strength to deal with an over-sexed morning.

A dominatrix scene with this girl would be intolerably hot, for both me and for every single audience member. And the fact that my roommate would be essentially directing it...

I can't even finish that thought. It's too much.

I have to go do unsexy things now.

But one last thing... My roommate can't decide who would be the dominatrix. Neither can I. But again, part of my indecision is due to the fact that thoughts related to this are too sexy and I can't handle thinking about it for too long because it is 1pm and I have to unpack and clean my apartment.

And think unsexy things.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Material Girl

I spent nearly 6 months of my life swimming in piles of dirty laundry. My bedroom at my old apartment consisted of a few pieces of useful furniture and oodles of unwashed laundry. When I moved, I did 11 loads of laundry at my local, overpriced laundramat.

In the middle of revelling in my clean clothes, I realized I lost an entire garbage bag of clothing. Some of which were my roommate's clothing.

Fuck.

So now, with my freshly drawn budget that grossly underestimates the amount of tips I make per week, I am going shopping tomorrow. I am going to treat myself to some fabulous new clothing for the first time this year.

Half my money will be spent on cheap finds. The other half I am spending at this ridiculously expensive store on St. Laurent, which I am sure still has my drool all over the floor from the last time I walked in.

I used to be a shopping addict. I fear that tomorrow, I might binge shop... as addicts are wont to do after a hiatus from their substance. Fuck it. I deserve it. For once I am going to spend my money on something more concrete than a hangover.

Friday, July 15, 2005

i dont want a fucking striptease
im so sick and tired of being shown only half
because im young
because im naive
because im a little white girl from a white middle-upper-class family
when i want to see i want to be shown
no censorship
no bullshit

thank you.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

foolish lil me

i drank 12 beers last night.
my friend showed up with a case of beer and then left me to my own devices while he bought even more beer and drugs to while away a beautiful summer eve.
what was i supposed to do? not drink the beer? fahk that.

now i have to go to work where i will have a drink to numb the pain.
then i will realize that maintaining a little buzz makes dealing with customers much more bearable. in fact, it will be something of a survival tactic. if my tables are getting drunk, then goddamn it i need to be able to relate to them... right?!
then after a certain point in the soiree, the manager will buy the staff shooters and then my coworkers will buy me drinks and then it's closing time and im drunk.
then because i can never do something half way, i go to a bar and get even more drunk and then wonder what im doing sitting a barstool wasted with only 12 hours left before i have to go to work.
then i crash, wake up hungover and do it all over again.

alcoholic? mmm i dunno. consistently drunk? quite.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

It's foolish to say that you can change people. But each man I have been involved with have changed something about themselves since being with me. Is it that I invite change that has been long coming? That I demand reality and anything that is no longer serving that person's reality is chucked to the wayside when they meet me? Or is it just that as I am in a state of transition, the people that I become involved with are in a period of change as well?

Something is going on here and I think it might be me.

Emo is the new goth, except goths are still around, so it's becoming almost unbearable. - from the best page in the universe.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

I hate EMO. EMO SUCKS. I hate EMO and I hate "punk". I like PUNK. I hate "punk". I hate Fitty Cent. I like Snoop. Only because he is almost as cool as me. I have to give props to those who come in a close second.

Emo SHITE was playing beside this crazy ass rollercoaster at La Ronde which is a rip-off of The Bat from Canada's Wonderland. You know, where they hike you 70 feet into the air so that you are staring straight down at twisting metal and concrete and you have just enough time to pray that the safety harness (or whatever hard thing that is miraculously pinning you in place) is working, before they drop you and spin you around until you want to barf. Then, to assure that everyone is sitting in their own feces, they hike you back up to where you started IN REVERSE and then drop you and do it all again backwards.

This leaves your stomach in your feet and your heart in your ears. Then, in that awful state, you 'walk' off the ride like a bow-legged whore on GHB and have to listen to more emo.

It's fucking torture.

I think that they should only play ACDC. No Killary Duff (actual typo, im not shitting you, it's that great), no Nickleback and NO OLDIES. ONLY ACDC.

stumble



I'm being a lazy procrastinatin devil right now and Mozilla Add-ons are not helping me at all. There is this fantastic little button called 'stumble' and it takes you to random pages on the internet.

It's hot like Paris Hilton.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

i nearly pissed myself

LA RONDE IS A BARREL OF FUCKING MONKEYS

oh yes
i hit la ronde
and i hit every ride
and every ride hit me in various places
i am now covered in bruises and scratches

my back has a ton of bruises which does not help my case
everyone thinks i just have lots of great sex
which i do

but

im also a huge clutz
who has been blessed with the ability to bruise all colours of the rainbow
with the merest poke
so now i have to try to convince everyone that the huge bruise on my hip
is not from from a lover
but from this crazy ride ride that hung me upside down
as i laughed uproariously
and as i screamed "PEOPLE ARE NOT MEANT TO DO THIS"

honestly

people are not meant to be shot straight up into the air at 80 miles an hour
only to stop suddenly and shot straight back down again

its a fucking miracle i didnt throw up
or have a heart attack

but hey
35 dollars for an 8 hour adventure is not bad
i just need another break
hoooweeee it is possible to have too much fun

Sunday, July 10, 2005

i ride my bike
i rollerskate
dont drive no car
don't go too fast
but i go pretty far
for someobody who don't drive
ive been all around the world
some people say
ive done alright for a girl
oh yeahhhhh

janis, im okay alone but youve got something i need.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

moving is FUN

im living in a boys apartment right now

beer bottles everywhere
loud music
dirty floors

okay so i drank the beer and i play the obscenely loud bass
but
BUT BUT BUT
i did not make a mess of the floors

nor did i dirty the bathroom to the point where 5 straight hours of cleaning is necessary
nor did i draw anarchist symbols on the walls
nor did i think that spray on snow crap provides decent window coverage
nor did i glue belinda stronach's head on the front door
nor did i hang numchucks behind said front door (presumably to beat belinda's face in with)

who the fuck were these losers?!

this place needs a hell of alot more than a little mop and paint.

it needs a woman's touch.
so if you know a woman who has this ever elusive woman's touch, let me know. i have a position available.

oh and a fire alarm might be in order.
i live above a fucking restaurant.