Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Preggie Diary

I figure if I don't write my current state of insanity down, I will never remember what it's like to be briefly pregnant.

  1. When I found out, I sat down with a glass of wine and a cigarette.
  2. I misread a pregnancy test I did back in December. That was hint #476 that I shouldn't have children.
  3. If you are rude, you risk being choked to death.
  4. If you are nice, you have to deal with me crying and hugging you blubbering about "how wonderful it is to have a friend like you."
  5. Napping is crucial to my survival.
  6. It may be -40 outside but goddammit it is hot as balls here.
  7. Doritos taste like sandpaper. In fact, they ARE sandpaper.
  8. I can't cook. I made this soggy, salty bulghur wheat and feta cheese "dish" and ate it all because I thought it tasted good.
  9. My personal space is sacred right now. Invaders will be attacked.
  10. I cried because I dropped my salad.
  11. Noone can mess with a prego. If some asshole elbows me out of the way getting on the metro, he doesn't stand a chance... I am trained to speak hella loud and I know how to say pregnant in french.
  12. If I'm grumpy or nauseous, I need food. Don't get in my way because I might throw a temper tantrum. Don't offer me any of your food. It will taste like socks.
  13. Rational thought is pointless. I am running on autopilot right now. Instincts and biology are the only things leading me. Logic no longer applies. It makes perfect sense.
  14. I was caught listening to Coldplay. My boyfriend found me in a pile of slightly damp, freshly washed, mismatched socks, crying. All I remember was him picking me up saying "What the hell were you thinking listening to Coldplay?" "I WAS PUTTING AWAY MY LAUNDRY" was my illogical, irrational, instictual response. Conclusion: Coldplay is now bad for my soul.
  15. Other people's problems are so deliciously trivial. The fact that bears are waking up from hibernation in Russia is delightfully funny.
Warning: I may be a little blunt and melodramatic. I may experience a moodswing or two. I am going to have a cigarette, I am going to have a cup of coffee and then maybe a glass of wine. It makes me feel normal so fuck off.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

tell me you're not getting an abortion!!

Paolo said...

I have a lot of respect for a person who knows whether or not they'd make a good parent.

I see WAY too many screwed up kids on the street to think negatively on abortion. Spend one night with the Dans La Rue team and talk to the homeless and abused kids and you'll have a whole new perspective on things.