Tuesday, January 04, 2005

The first edition of "How To...?"

#1: How To Read Your Readings*

  1. Obtain a course syllabus and don't read it.
  2. Find the syllabus in your filing cabinet (aka purse or knapsack) and have a heart attack because you have to read 100 pages about how theatre is really a science (in disguise or costume, of course) for tomorrow.
  3. Dash to the library to get there 15 minutes before it closes.
  4. Plead with librarian to go find a book that is not where it is supposed to be and cry that if she doesn't help you, you will expire right here in this very spot 5 minutes before closing and then the evil students who put theatre books with mathematical reference material will have won and it would be all her fault.
  5. Pay the fines from last semester and take your beloved bullshit book home to read.
  6. Don't read it. Flip through a few pages on the bus, at the most.
  7. Get home, make some tea, talk to your roommate, check your email, get something to eat (I recommend last nights rice reheated in the microwave with a dash of curry), smoke, check your email, talk to your roommate, tell your roommate to get out of the room because you have to read, and then do nothing for 10 minutes. Except for smoke and drink more tea. If you are out of smokes, go find that handy dandy roommate of yours. But basically, keep doing nothing.
  8. Go to bed.
  9. Wake up before class, not giving two flying fucks (because goddammit fucks really do fly) that you didn't do a damn thing because you are going to probably get a B in that class anyways.

Next edition... How to sit through three 4 hour lectures a week.

*As completely redundant that is, there is no other way to put it. "Readings" is a noun. What the fuck else is there to do with "readings" except read?

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