Aftermath

My life took the shape of a hurricane last month. I was standing in the eye of it all watching pieces of my world get ripped up and spun around me. All I was missing was that token flying cow. No one is terribly organized or happy after a hurricane passes through and rips out their foundations. That said, I will not apologize for my behaviour in the upcoming few weeks. Why? Because I was pregnant, you dick.

I feel a T-shirt slogan coming on... It will save me from answering those horrid questions that make everyone feel uncomfortable. Instead, I shall rely on the widely accepted offensive route.

"Do you know it is department policy to fail you after 3 missed classes?"
"Yes, I am aware of your stupid university policy. But I don't care."
Then with a cold, unwavering stare, I shall point to my trusty slogan plastered across my chest and they have no choice but to concede defeat to Me. After all, I'm already going to hell for this one, no need to punish me further.

It will also serve well to get my concerned class-mates to stop worrying. According to the majority of my peers, I had a "flu" for three whole weeks and people were beginning to wonder if I had
a) cancer or some other fatal disease, or
b) some incredibly contagious virus that will take everyone in the theatre program down, one pretensious actor by one.
"So... you are completely healthy now?"
"Yes that is right. I woke up one morning and magically, I was all better!"
Give a lil point to the slogan and poof! all questions have been answered. Like magic.

Granted, some people might ask me "What do you mean, you were pregnant?" The nice thing about having gone through some tough shit recently, along with my imminent hell-dweller status, gives me full permission to punch those insensitive assholes in the face.

Yes, I have officially given myself free reign to be as obnoxious and offensive as possible. On that note, time to celebrate reading week, the "break" given to university students in an attempt to curb suicide rates in stressed-out 20-somethings trying to carve their life paths. On a side note, this is not much of a break. You get assigned more work than is humanly possible to complete, especially considering that all your deadlines fall into "too far to give a shit land".

Well, looks like it is off to the dive that has stolen my bittersweet heart and drowned it repeatedly in beer. This is my beloved shithole where I will drink pint upon pint, play lots of AC/DC on the juke and reunite with my good friend Tequila. Goldshlager, you can come too.

cheers and bless tomorrow's hangover.