Saturday, September 08, 2007

The strangest things happen in bed

Nothing gets a better laugh with close friends than a good story about misadventures in bed. So begins my compilation of the strange things we hear and experience...

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J. was M.'s first boyfriend. Things ended amicably and despite J.'s lack of sex and M.'s surplus, they remained just friends. Recently, M. stayed at J.'s house after a long night of partying. When M. came into the bedroom, she found J. lying naked on the bed masturbating.

M: "Well, you know, you are lucky it's just me I guess... we are comfortable with each other."
J: "Would you undress in front of me?"
M: "NO! .... But I will take off my pants and you can watch me from the bathroom while I brush my teeth, I guess."
J: "mmm... okay..."

So M. brushes her teeth in her underwear while J. looks on, taking all he can get.

She picks a Forensic Psychology book about serial killers out of her bag and starts to read in bed while J. fervishly beats off. But if you have ever tried to concentrate on anything while the sound of hand on cock is happening right beside you, I'm sure it will prove impossible. So M., trying to keep her mind on the book, started to read aloud from her bedtime book. Which just so happened to be on the chapter about brutal decapitations.

J: "Can I put my hand on your breast?"
M: "Fine."

And so J. finished himself while M. read about serial killers, the whole while ignoring to her best ability the hand groping her breast. J. cleaned up, M. put her book away and they both went to sleep on opposite sides of the bed.

That's fucked up.

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S. and L. had been fucking for hours, as it often happens with them. Lovers for years, never girlfriends, it is a sort of special relationship full of lengthy love making. Finally they made it to the bedroom where L.'s iTunes was playing on shuffle. S., close to an orgasm, couldn't help but notice the sounds coming in off the speakers... An old show tune that goes something like:

"Anything you can do, I can do better...
I can do anything better than you...
No you can't!
Yes I can!"

S. started to laugh, and not wanting to ruin the moment, she tried to stifle her laughter. But if you ever started to laugh while your face is buried between someone's legs, I'm sure you would find it really difficult to not let your partner notice. Soon, they both were dying of laughter, singing along to the song.

The girls went to sleep shortly after declaring that song to be the official 69 theme song.

That's just hilarious.

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